Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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