I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
