I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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