I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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