I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
