barbara walters just said penis...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
