Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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