We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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