there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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