Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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