East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
