I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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