I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He passed out mid-signature
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
