I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
