why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
