if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize