If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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