I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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