What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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