I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
