before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
