Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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