the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
