doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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