Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
