I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
