I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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