I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
