Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
