mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize