I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
another moral hangover. fuck.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I faked an abortion last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
