your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
