i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
