You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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