i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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