On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
