We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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