make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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