I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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