she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
