You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
