Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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