Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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