his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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