nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
