Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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