I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
