Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
