Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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