I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
