I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
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Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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