I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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