i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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