im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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