I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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