I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
