There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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